just average

and very happy to be there. i realized this morning while chatting with randy, i've reached the average american woman's size. i am officially in size 14 jeans as i'm typing this and part of me thinks i might have been able to pull off a 12, i mean who needs to breathe right? lets remember i grew up in the early 90's and if you didn't have to lay down on your bed to put on your still damp guess jeans, your jeans were too big. (my parents never let us wear anything that tight - but i had friends in jr high that sure did)


a year ago


and this wednesday on my way out the door - literally running to the gym

in hindsight i am kind of regretting my "just the face" policy on picture taking these last few years. it was really hard finding a picture of me in the last year that actually illustrated how far i have come.

birthday

happy birthday sarah, i'm so glad we share this day.

i'm starting out my birthday weekend today with a day to myself. it's still pretty early here but we had to get up early to get the boys packed for their skiing trip today. we surprised jack with being able to go with randy and when i told him yesterday that we had to pick up some new ski pants for him he so totally screamed on the inside - even though he was playing it cool on the outside. since i am up so early i am gonna straighten up the house then get in my workout and see where the day takes me. hopefully it will include a mani/pedi + a movie but we will see what comes my way.

dissapointments and discoveries

last week was the first week during this program where i didn't loose weight, i'm talking nada, not even an ounce. i weigh the exact same as i did the previous week. this was a shock to the system, i was pretty disappointed, i had built it up in my head that this, the week of my birthday, would be the week that i got there. the week i met my goal and that i would finally after all these years be under 200lbs. nope not this week. i was devastated, i had put in the work - extra work even and nope still didn't make it.

this is what i discovered though, i came home, i cried - i mean sobbing crying. then there was this little voice on the inside of my head that kept telling me that i could do this, i am doing this and this is the time to re-focus and push harder. previously if something this devastating would have happened i would have given up, i would have wanted to quit, i would have eaten whatever i wanted to and maybe i would have even convinced myself that this is all the weight my body wants to loose. but not this time. i decided that the weight non-loss was not going to get me down. i ate just like it was any other normal day * i did not feed the feelings!! i got my steps in for the day and sure i was a little sad but i learned that i am stronger then i have ever been and realized that someday in the not so distant future i am going to get to where i want to be. for now i will take being able to do 15 push ups as an accomplishment for the week - even if they are girly style on my knees.

ask jack

snippet from our walk to the bus stop this morning:

jack: hey mom, you should go to college
me: oh yeah, what do you think i should do
jack: well, what are your interests
me: i really liked my last job, you know when i worked on phone systems with carlyn
jack: get a degree in that then
me: well it's not that easy buddy, there isn't really a degree for that
jack: what does dad do again
me: he writes software for computers
jack: oh, maybe science
me: i didn't really like science in school
jack: not animal science, some other kind of science then. i don't know mom, but you should go to college.

after telling this to randy i found out this conversation of theirs from saturday afternoon

jack: dad, it seems like your work has been hard lately for you
randy: yeah buddy, it's been hard
jack: do you feel like you are getting enough sleep
randy: no, i've been working really long hours
jack: well, what time have you been going to bed
randy explained the hours he had been keeping and jack's mouth hung agape for a minute
jack: dad, you are older then me so you should stay up later, but you should try to go to bed at 9, i think that would work better for you

sometimes i wonder if life would be easier for us if we would just consult jack on all decisions, he's generally the most level headed of the three of us.